BHM

Q1. Why don't you get yourself an accountant on board & make life easier for yourself? It's a few quid per year & you'll know it'll be right. Q2. You don't have too. It's your money & your business so you can do what you want with it & all of your debits/expenditures will be shown on your accounts anyway. I think you're looking at this from the perspective of an employee justifying themselves to their boss. As long as your books tally a problem should only arise if you banked too much money.

Let's be honest here, you know you ain't going to get "back street rates" from the front of house. However in answer to your question, yes they're pricey & as for the bumper on the Golf I suspect the painters a lazy so-and-so.

SQUEEZE MY HOSE. IS IT STIFF?????

Hahaha, you've got more chance shagging the Queen while Lord Lucan rides past your bedroom window on Shergar's back. It beggars belief how many people expect to receive professional advice f.o.c.

Not with me they can't cos I'm not on it. Put them on on Sunday night for the early week trade otherwise you'll get the Sunday arseholes.

TALES FROM THE BOTTOM END OF THE MARKET (may the Lord give me strength!) PUNTER1: Hi, I phoned yesterday about the Polo. ME: Sorry, it's sold. PUNTER1: It was yesterday, you might remember me. You said it was still for sale. ME: Yes that was yesterday. Today it's now sold. PUNTER1: But you said yesterday it's still for sale. ME: Yes, that was yesterday. Now it's today & it's been sold. PUNTER1: But you said it was still available. ME: Goodbye, Sir. Thanks for your call. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ PUNTER2 (in person): The car's a 3 door!!! ME: Yes it is, it's the one you & your husband phoned me about 3 times yesterday. PUNTER2: But..but..they're shite to get into the back of. I didn't know it was a 3 door. ME: Yes they are shite to get into. Just leave it cos it's cheap & it'll sell soon enough. unfortunately she squeezes her ample frame into the drivers seat for a test drive, so I chuck her the keys & tell her to get on with it. On her return......... PUNTER2: You'll be reducing the price cos it's a 3 door & full of scratches. ME: No I won't, a 2007 Peugeot 207 HDI at a grand will sell soon enough. PUNTER2: Why not??? You have to!!!!!!! ME: No I don't, just leave it if your family can't squeeze into the rear seat. Go to Halfords, there are push bikes on the shelf costing more than this. PUNTER2: It's too much, it's one of the most expensive. I can get a cheaper one anywhere. ME: Really? A 2007 207 HDi at £1000 with a new MOT yesterday & it's too expensive? I'm not sure what planet you're from but you'd might as well just go & buy one of these cheaper ones. I can't find one on the internet so you must have a better search engine than I have. I then turn to the (thicko) husband & tell him what I think. The poor spineless wretch grabs his wife's hand "Come on, lets go!" and scurries off. Car sold 2 hours later (thank the Lord!)

Exactly - it's hardly rocket science. If I believed "expert" valuations on 10yr old Ford Focuses I'd be bankrupt cos I'd never sell another again at their prices. You can become obsessed with various professional third party gimmicks but in this game you need to have a "feel" for local pricing & desirability.

I can honestly say "don't start doing so now"

Start changing the bulbs & stop when the warning disappears. Remember to lock & unlock the car after each bulb so it resets otherwise the warning will be illuminated. Why the krauts can't design a bulb warning that automatically disappears when the offending bulb has been replaced I'll never know.

Customers! Don't you just love them!?!! Unfortunately MAP I can believe everything you just said. The cheek of the general public beggars belief. There is absolutely no home viewing service offered here, if they can't get themselves here then they can go elsewhere cos those that want their arses wiped before a viewing are a pain if they do buy. I learnt my lesson within the first few months after taking an early Smart car to someone's house. A lovely thing, they fucked about for four hours then eventually bought. A week later they decided the standard fitment cassette player wasn't good enough for them & started demanding a CD unit. It went on for months with Trading Standards involved (in hindsight obviously biased but I was as green as grass then), phone calls, texts, threats to come down (funnily enough I'm still waiting - I've yet to get the second visit from any of these gobshites) and eventually I paid them off - all of this for a couple of quid. Now I'm wise to these chancers & wiser with regards to consumer legislation that's why I take a fair but very hard line otherwise the average buyer will saddle you up & ride your arse til it bleeds.

I think you'll find more people going down the doorstepping route. If you've had the foresight, or luck, to own a large property you immediately eliminate second premises costs such as rent, rates etc. so you can price competitively and what you lose in time running around you surely gain by not sitting in a showroom waiting for a Billy Bunter to turn up. With every passing year more & more people are becoming internet savvy. With this comes with the ability to immediately compare prices and the way I see it is the secondhand market has almost split between the "price aware cash buyer" and the "need credit will pay whatever buyer" - the second of which are generally keeping the secondhand pitches employed. Apart from a few specialists, I'm afraid the days of cars being seen as luxury goods are long gone. Let's be honest, about 80% of punters are price lead (they'll buy what is obviously a pile of shit if it's £50 cheaper) and the average 10yr old family car is now cheaper than a decent pushbike - market forces, supply & demand but this situation is barmy on the face of it. I should say here that when I'm going on about doorsteppers I'm referring to people operating a genuine business from premises based at home - not some chancer flogging a few via Gumtree in the local pub car park.

Messermeter

Pure French shit.

When you find the holy graille please let me know too!

I think I'll start a petition to get the government to include emailers & phone call dreamers. I'd be quids in this week!

It's the same at any auction at the moment. People are only trading-in because their car is knackered. I reluctantly went to the auctions yesterday, visited two sites and the cars fell into four groups; 1) Battered/trashed. 2) Obviously knackered mechanically (I was sick of hearing DMFs rattling). 3) Pure shite ran-up by the auctioneer. 4) A few "gems" that buyers paid through their noses for. I hope for their sake the cars are ok cos there's certainly no money left in the pot for repairs. Needless to say, I can home empty handed.

Personally I wouldn't buy a bag of sweets in or near Birmingham, never mind a vehicle. However on a more serious note misdescribing must happen a lot as often when I get people round they often tell me they're pleasantly surprised - apparently some dealers even find it acceptable if they can't even get the car started! I though I sold some s*** but at least I tell 'em it's s***

Never used them but at £135 for a low mileage X-Trail I'd be going on with it myself! I don't know how much you've got in it but if that's the best bid you can get then even if it needs 3 valets, clutch, DMF, service, MOT, 4 tyres, discs & pads etc. then it's worth going on with.

Hahaha, yes especially punters wanting to offload dross such as Vectras. Mind you, with some of the valuations punters give me of their p/x they often have to pick me up from floor!

Agreed - yet more common sense EXCEPT I don't waste my time with Gumtree as 99% are scum and no serious buyer quotes that website - even amongst ebayers it's seen as "for sh***"!

Snap.

Not wishing to sound negative but I thought this too. Is it the CRA2015 that's wrong or people's misinterpretation? Whatever legislation is out there will always result in people cherry picking the parts they feel benefit themselves & ignoring the parts that don't. Let's be honest, most complaints are either a clear cut "repair" or "tell them to sling their hook". Whenever I read a new post from a trader about some punter chewing on about a cheap old banger and the trader dancing to their tune I get dismayed - they need sweeping away firmly & promptly. Many problems, certainly at the lower end of the market, are the result of inadequate preparation, making false promises to make a sale and/or failing to deal firmly with customers with unrealistic expectations.

Oh dear! Hounded for weeks!?!!! I find the phrase "fuck off & do what you like" works a treat with the bottom feeding chancers.

Sorry, but I don't believe half of the stuff on the internet & I'll add this to the list. Who the fuck is going to pay more than a few grand for a shitty 1.3 Nova with side stripes on it, never mind two (remember it's an auction)?

I have never & will never source a car for anyone, if it's something I'd buy anyhow then I've bought one & one the few occasions I've offered it it has never been what they wanted - they ALWAYS want something else OR they then check their insurance with the inevitable result. 2 tales; I once suggested (to a reasonably wealthy friend wanting a daughter's first car in the £3K range) that he gives me a list of MUST HAVES and MUST NOT HAVES, I'd tell him the maximum price, he'd then have to take the car or he would forfeit the deposit - which I said would be £500. This is a man who is NOT tight-fisted, who I've looked after his home when he was earning big bucks abroad, throws me the keys to his expensive car, we drink together, known each other for decades but when it came to the subject of a non-refundable £500 deposit you'd of thought I'd threatened to rape his daughter. A V70 D5 I bought & advertised normally. A flurry of interest. One chap says he definitely wants it cos it's bright red. I answer it's shiny but I'd describe it as a wine red. Anyhow, I confirmed the colour name to this Volvo "expert" (if memory serves it was something like Ruby Red Metallic) and even gave him the colour code. The old chap drives 200 miles to be with me by 9am on the Saturday morning. He sits for a few seconds clearly "having words" with his wife and gets out with a face like thunder - clearly he's not happy. To cut a VERY long story short, we get into an argument over the colour & eventually he gets his copy of the advert that he'd printed. LO & BEHOLD!! HIS PRINTER WAS FAULTY & MY RUBY RED CAR APPEARED BRIGHT RED WITH A BLUE HALO AROUND IT & BROWN TYRES!!!! When he still continued to chew-on (about 15 minutes of me being polite in deference to his age) I showed him the advert on my phone and eventually had to point out that "NONE OF MY CARS COME WITH A BLUE HALO & BROWN TYRES. YOU ARE WRONG, IT'S YOU WHO'S FUCKED UP NOT ME". I pressed his Mrs. for an answer, laughed in his face & told him to leave. So Matt, if you REALLY fancy risking your redundancy go for it. But honestly, please DON'T.