BHM

Vermin, and just like an unwanted rat infestation they should be snuffed out.

Hahaha, one of ebay’s finest! If I think their emails are worth responding too then I’ll answer two emails. If I receive a third they’re told to phone me. Pillocks emailing back & forth do not buy, they are only passing their spare time.

Having internet presence is a damn site more important than location. A good pitch should pay for itself but perhaps it ain’t good or your stock’s wrong for your area. Either way £70K per year is a lot to cover - you’ve got to flog a few just to break even on your rent (as I’m sure you’re aware). As a small family business working on an appointment basis I say enjoy some extra free time & not have the headache of massive overheads anymore. When it’s quiet I sit on my arse in the warmth of my own home, not sat staring out of a Portacabin window. At this point I should add I’m prone to laziness

What does the self-appointed specialist call an oil leak & rusty pipes? You know what 50% of these boys are like, they prey on the minds of the pernickety but car-ignorant owner. A damp patch around a gasket & a little surface corrosion on pipes on a secondhand car doesn’t necessarily warrant attention. Brand new is available from the Audi main dealer, but there’s a reason why your buyer didn’t go there.

I’d opine that it’s obviously not a good site.

Trade from home or a small unit trading in shite under £3K. With £30K that’s all you can do.

God knows about anyone else’s finances but to me it’s all about the real profit, not gross or T/O. There seems to be an awful lot paying out on rent, stocking loans, insurances, staff, rates, big VAT bills with every penny declared & driving a bit of flash on the ‘never never’. Good luck to them but with those headaches if I wasn’t a multi millionaire I’d be wondering why I was working my arse off.

Prep standards at most places have slipped due to punters wanting everything at rock bottom - something has to give & you get what you pay for. Mind you, from what I hear some traders will sell any death trap and the days of the dodgy MOT are alive and well. At my end of the market they’re safe & reliable but I’m selling most cars “warts & all” - bumper scuffs, scratches, dings & dents. Usual a valet is a vacuum but I go through plenty of satin black hiding grubby carpets etc. - at £3 a tin it’s cheaper than a £40-50 valet & the punters on a £1200 Astra are only interested in the bottom line.

Hahaha, come to think about it Andy may have actually meant “socket”. As a socket is something that receives something else I suppose something that receives cocks must be a complete & utter errr...henhouse

100% correct. I guess if a sharp eyed MOT tester catches it a year later you’d simply deny all knowledge, tell the punter they must have changed it & slam down the phone! Yes. If you omit “trailered away” then it renders the whole spares/repair sale incorrect & as such it is a normal retail sale. Also, in the unlikely event you end up in a court scenario, even if you’ve executed the advert & receipt correctly but you’ve sold a car to a sly b’stard who’s kept his train ticket receipt then you’ll lose in court. The judge asked my friend “how he expected a man who’d arrived on a train to trailer it home?”!! My friend (who’d also texted the buyer to say he was on his way to the train station to collect him) lost the case. In the past I’ve had the greedy eBay scum buy, push it 100 yds away, nobble it so it won’t start, phone the AA and get a free lift home! Nowadays if I’ve got any shite to sell I either outline the problem on the advert or if it’s a total knacker I write a brutal advert, talk to them straight (it’s a turd, it’s cash, no receipt & don’t bother coming back). A proper man who knows the score when buying a shitter won’t object, anyone else should be turned away.

Arfur, if only it was on a bloody Sunday! Tradex, errrrr....if only it was on a Bloody Sunday!

Andy, it’s absolutely friggin desperate at the moment & about 99% of callers are horrible, lying, bullshitting scum. I had a cheap diesel Auris & was tortured by utter subhuman cretins until it eventually went. I feel your pain cos I’ve had a slightly scruffy but low mileage diesel Golf Plus for bloody months & a few weeks ago I cut the legs off the price. Almost every day I get another VW twat who intends “coming tomorrow”, the VW war cry of “cambelt” is ringing in my ears & the usual Yorkshire-Asain accent telling me it’s got to be cheaper cos it’s for his sister/uncle/friend. I’ve had about 6 or 7 telling me not to sell it cos they’re coming for it in a few days - I have never spoken to so many pathetic big talkers. DEMORALISED is defo the word this week! PS I assume sockets should read suckers?? PPS A caller on the VW said he’d pay me if I “just dropped it off” for him - “I’m only 100 miles away” he insists. Bloody “Taffy” lives in Cardiff which is almost a 600 mike round trip!! This idiot thought I’d set off without checking the miles & just laughed about it!

Funnily enough the main offenders are usually from a big city, normally London (or occasionally Birmingham) and are hundreds of miles from me, have not read the advert, haven’t a clue where I am and want it delivered f.o.c., cambelted, discounted and cash on delivery. Unfortunately many seemed to be on a different time zone to me & thought they were bartering in a midnight souk - that’s why it’s sensible hours only for me for the sake of my sanity.

I don’t answer phone calls after about 7pm, my adverts clearly state “no texts” and I answer emails a couple of times a day. 99% of these idiots phoning at all hours that I used to get were just that, idiots. If they are so keen at let’s say 10pm, then they are l unlikely to purchase elsewhere so if they are genuine they’ll phone again tomorrow. This year I can count on two fingers the no. of punters who originally phoned at stupid-o-clock, phoned the next day and then actually bought. The no. of strangers who don’t phone again or when they do (normally days later) are clearly full of shit must be double figures every week. I’d have a breakdown if I dealt with every pillock who phoned.

Tbh we should point out how bloody stupid these cretins are. I know 99% of the time you’re pissing into the wind but I always hope (in vain) that I’m dealing with the 1%. A couple of months ago a man & his 15yr old son came to see a well used p/x BMW estate - about 15 years old but BMW + 1 owner, low miles and £600. Father says “Right, I’ll have to go & think about it”. Me “What’s to think about? It’s a 1 owner, low mileage BMW estate for Halfords pushbike money” The son (remember, a child) burst out laughing - he could obviously understand what I meant. Unfortunately Dad couldn’t & stood there with a gormless look on his face. Yet again I was dealing with the 99%.

Recently I’ve changed loads of tyres rather than wheel bearings - it seems many of the cheaper brands start deforming once they’re over half worn. I’ve had them with lumps, bumps, one side higher than the other & the treads opening up (if that makes sense). I’m guessing the carcasses are cheap and start failing. As for Marc Almond, you’re welcome to a pint of what he’s drinking

A worthwhile investment, cheaper than a valet

Yep there’s some absolute shite out there at the moment & the trade is ridiculously strong for it. There’ll be plenty of buyers remorse in the coming months - it’ll be interesting to see what late December & January is like. As for that scrap Clio mentioned above, even if I was in the market for such dross surely a couple of hundred quid should buy the likes of that?

Lucky you! I’m currently smoking a 2.9 turbo petrol T6 & get 19mpg.

As soon as I hear mechanic I stand back & let them get on with it. On the rare occasion they are a mechanic it’s obvious as they smile, crack a joke, do a few cursory checks & then say “let’s go for a drive”. The non-mechanic-mechanics start pissing about making complete twats of themselves (as your comments above state) and any general questions from the punter I give the ‘mechanic’ a chance to answer. The charade normally lasts a couple of minutes before I put them out of their misery and ask “what sort of a mechanic are you?” to which they normally smile & look relieved. Anyhow here are some of ‘my’ reasons for not buying; 1) Customer thought the cable ties holding on the wheeltrims were holding the wheels onto the car. 2) “Sorry, I want a diesel & hate orange”. The punter did a 300 mile round trip to see an orange, petrol Freelander. 3) “I wanted a diesel” The same bloody Freelander!! A pair of chumps drove almost 6 hours from South Wales to the North East and it was now 7pm on a miserable winter’s night. I just laughed in their faces, told them to enjoy their journey back, plipped the central locking & shut the front door in their faces. 4) “The cambelt’s not been changed”. On a petrol Honda Jazz. The best part is her “mechanic” agreed with her. The “mechanic” works in the valeting bay at a local VW specialist........ 5) “There aren’t enough chips on the windscreen for an 8 year old car” Apparently that equates to the windscreen being replaced after a serious accident. 6) A punter didn’t like the colour of the steering wheel (03ish Vitara with grey dashboard & steering wheel).

Half decent cars, I sell older ones & they seem to take the miles ok. Don’t expect them to handle like a Ferrari though. I’m guessing you don’t want a family bus like a Galaxy?

It’s dead alright. As for Toyotas I’d imagined Aurises would be good news - I’ll think again. First one, petrol, average mileage, one owner, FSH, like new. Sat here for two months without a single call & only sold because a man came to view a Peugeot van & suddenly changed tack Second one, low mileage diesel, FSH, dog cock red, a few marks but cheapest in the UK. About 99% of calls were a waste of my time & after 3 weeks it went to the only sensible man I spoke to. I don’t bother anymore trying to work out what sells because what I think is decent clean stock with FSH sits here without opening the door to a customer yet I’ve had shite with crumpled wheel arches & rippled quarters go out for a nice little wage. To be honest a compound full of absolute shit (at shit money) would do me at the moment.

Haha, after saying we were harsh GG then complete wrote them off by adding that he thought they were irrelevant. Now that is harsh How come many professional services who charge for their services have no embarrassment in canvassing for free assistance? Answer: Cheeky bastards with no shame.

I’m surprised it has a following - half of the population won’t even remember Only Fools & Horses.