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HUMOUR "I'm a good customer..."

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"Whats your best price for cash? I'm a good customer, don't need finance and have no part exchange, so what's the best price?"

Any more cringe worthy opening lines about at the moment? :-)

 

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"I'm not a messer" 

"I'm in the trade" 

"My mates a mechanic/ In the trade"

"Can you beat this fake finance quote with 1% APR even though I haven't worked in 5 years and have several CCJ's against me?"

"I'm not looking to buy, just to test drive"

"So are you a car dealer or just flipping these for a profit?"

"Do you take paypal?"

"Can I have it next week without leaving a deposit?"

"Can I pay you £10 a week?"

"Can I take it away now if I pay you half now and the other when I get paid"

Take your pick :lol:

 

Edited by Mikey360
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Heard this on Saturday,punter on phone asking all sorts about N/Leaf then says it’s not for me it’s for my 17 year old son.Was then told ‘ he ain’t going to want a Nissan Leaf ‘.

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Will you keep it for 

will my 06 corsa be work 3 grand in px 

the list goes on but mostly the same ones as Mikey .. 

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I really want this car, I don’t want to leave a deposit but can you keep it for me till Christmas?

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Lol, I've heard all of the above, but since lockdown it's the offer of cash/no px, no finance that has been most prevalent 

1 hour ago, Mikey360 said:

"I'm not a messer" 

"I'm in the trade" 

"My mates a mechanic/ In the trade"

"Can you beat this fake finance quote with 1% APR even though I haven't worked in 5 years and have several CCJ's against me?"

"I'm not looking to buy, just to test drive"

"So are you a car dealer or just flipping these for a profit?"

"Do you take paypal?"

"Can I have it next week without leaving a deposit?"

"Can I pay you £10 a week?"

"Can I take it away now if I pay you half now and the other when I get paid"

Take your pick :lol:

 

I love the dealer one; I get that asked quite often whilst the punter is sat in my office looking over 150k of cars (albeit in a rural storage facility). "So is this this full time for you or just something on the side?"

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wouldn't it be nice if they came in said I'm a nob can you help me please

"I used to do this job"  is my altime classic from the nob jockeys

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Why would anyone that ISNT a messer have to say ‘I’m not a messer’ - they wouldn’t and just crack on and buy

any customer that makes reference to ‘not being a messer’ will turn into the biggest messer of all. Fact 

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14 hours ago, Mikey360 said:

"I'm not a messer" 

"I'm in the trade" 

"My mates a mechanic/ In the trade"

"Can you beat this fake finance quote with 1% APR even though I haven't worked in 5 years and have several CCJ's against me?"

"I'm not looking to buy, just to test drive"

"So are you a car dealer or just flipping these for a profit?"

"Do you take paypal?"

"Can I have it next week without leaving a deposit?"

"Can I pay you £10 a week?"

"Can I take it away now if I pay you half now and the other when I get paid"

Take your pick :lol:

 

Just about heard all these except the flipping these for a profit , He would leave sharpish oh yes , Zero toleration for fools in my world .

These idiots do not realise there are PLENTY of other customers , HEY Listen " we don't need you go away "

Want to hear some of the garbage when my daughter gets one , Wrong move on their part is that one hahahahahah 

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1 hour ago, David Horgan said:

Just about heard all these except the flipping these for a profit , He would leave sharpish oh yes , Zero toleration for fools in my world .

These idiots do not realise there are PLENTY of other customers , HEY Listen " we don't need you go away "

Want to hear some of the garbage when my daughter gets one , Wrong move on their part is that one hahahahahah 

Would like to see that david just for the comedy value gold if nothing else .. 

your daughter sounds like my type of person .. cant stand any bull 

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19 minutes ago, Casper said:

your daughter sounds like my type of person .. cant stand any bull 

Fastest come backs you ever heard Casper . Ruthless , direct to the point with no prisoners . She is ruthless .

But great at sales too , kind understanding , remembers deals and names . 

 

Edited by David Horgan
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7 hours ago, David Horgan said:

Fastest come backs you ever heard Casper . Ruthless , direct to the point with no prisoners . She is ruthless .

But great at sales too , kind understanding , remembers deals and names . 

 

Hope u and all the family are well mate tell them all i said hello . 

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My favourite comeback line was from someone at worked with at Land Rover. When they said ‘Parker’s says my car is worth X’ he would say oh great news, just take it down to them and you can buy this.

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On 9/14/2020 at 9:47 PM, SC Derby said:

Why would anyone that ISNT a messer have to say ‘I’m not a messer’ - they wouldn’t and just crack on and buy

any customer that makes reference to ‘not being a messer’ will turn into the biggest messer of all. Fact 

Absolutely.

On 9/14/2020 at 7:08 PM, Mikey360 said:

 

"I'm not a messer" 

"I'm in the trade" 

....my Dad says all car dealers discount by at least £xxx.

....I can get one for £500 less in (insert name of city 100 miles away here). 

....my friend says yours is only worth £xxxx. 

....Parker’s say your car is only worth £xxxx Answer: NO PROBLEM. JUST GO & BUY ONE FROM PARKER’S - LET ME KNOW HOW YOU GET ON.

Last weekend (weekend trade :rolleyes:), punter arrives in a 2017 Touareg, torch in hand, to look at a 16yr old p/x X-Trail, FRESHLY & PROPERLY MOT’d and priced at the princely sum on £1300. ....Why does the MOT say surface corrosion? Answer: BECAUSE I DON’T GET MICKEY MOUSE MOTS & IT’S A 16 YR OLD 4x4 AT PUSHBIKE MONEY.

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I think the notion of getting money off for cash is well ingrained in the public consciousness thanks to various TV programmes where some 'expert' or other goes into negotiation waving a bunch of 'readies' and magically the price drops 10%.

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A common one we get is I’m a cash buyer who the proceed to whip out a credit / debit card<_< cash means fecking cash!

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2 hours ago, Halfpenny said:

I think the notion of getting money off for cash is well ingrained in the public consciousness thanks to various TV programmes where some 'expert' or other goes into negotiation waving a bunch of 'readies' and magically the price drops 10%.

Mike Brewer feel free to comment here :lol:

1 minute ago, MarkTVS said:

A common one we get is I’m a cash buyer who the proceed to whip out a credit / debit card<_< cash means fecking cash!

It’s because Place In The Sun & all other house buying TV programmes refer to their offers as ‘cash offers’. In the good old days a cash deal meant pound notes, no receipt, f*** off & don’t come back. Alas, in the space of a few years “cash deal” is spouted by every Parker’s Guide expert meaning “I want some money off, here’s my card & I’ll squeal like a rutting pig if an issue arises”.

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I love it when they say I sold my px to we buy any car cos their advert said I would get a better deal as a cash buyer  - no we want your px to retail if we can 

I don't need finance - so no HP commission (but to be fair these days it's negligible )

What can you do me for cash ( well I still have to pay the vat and taxman) agree a deal and they hand over a credit card!! that's not cash and it costs me more to take a credit than debit card.

 

but the best one we had recently was a phone enquiry who had loads of questions about a car involved us running up and down the pitch in the rain (cos none of his questions were the usual owners, fsh, mot which are on our website) 35 minutes later, he thanked us for our time and advised he was only ringing because his wife had just bought the identical car which had gone back to the garage for a fault and in case they could not fix it and they gave her a refund he was ringing all dealers within a 150 mile radius who had the same car just in case he needed to arrange viewings for a replacement vehicle. 

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4 hours ago, Halfpenny said:

I think the notion of getting money off for cash is well ingrained in the public consciousness thanks to various TV programmes where some 'expert' or other goes into negotiation waving a bunch of 'readies' and magically the price drops 10%.

I enjoyed the one where the seller (I think he was American) said, in a somewhat deadpan tone, "the price is $xxxx, if you don't pay it we'll part as friends". I often use that approach myself. Asking for the keys back and going into the office normally illustrates the point well, if the words weren't clear enough.

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15 hours ago, Ratt101 said:

I love it when they say I sold my px to we buy any car cos their advert said I would get a better deal as a cash buyer  - no we want your px to retail if we can 

I don't need finance - so no HP commission (but to be fair these days it's negligible )

What can you do me for cash ( well I still have to pay the vat and taxman) agree a deal and they hand over a credit card!! that's not cash and it costs me more to take a credit than debit card.

 

but the best one we had recently was a phone enquiry who had loads of questions about a car involved us running up and down the pitch in the rain (cos none of his questions were the usual owners, fsh, mot which are on our website) 35 minutes later, he thanked us for our time and advised he was only ringing because his wife had just bought the identical car which had gone back to the garage for a fault and in case they could not fix it and they gave her a refund he was ringing all dealers within a 150 mile radius who had the same car just in case he needed to arrange viewings for a replacement vehicle. 

That advert does make me laugh .as did your story some people eh .

Edited by Casper

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“My best mate is a mechanic”

 

“How much for Keshhh”

 

”Can you deliver it and then I’ll pay” 

 

 

 

 

Edited by XDR

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Well today has been a day of !

Duya swap cars mate ? 

Seriously I've had 4 enquires today wanting to swap bl@@dy cars . 

! ;; Jus bort this car mate two weeks agu n dunt like the colour wudya swap it for the ST u ave . NO 

2::PX to clear Smart Car , Lady asks will i swap her 73,000 mile KA because it wont pass the MOT in a week , Actually done 113,000 miles and she tried blowing me out of the water telling me she knew better . LADY ITS a NO 

3::Got a Mondeo would you consider swapping for that SEAT , No My friend its 4 yrs older than the SEAT , Ok just asking cos I haven't got any money , Hahah NO 

4 :: Hi Pal seen the car you have for sale , I've got 3 cars so would swap you , ME ; But your cars are a 53 plate mini , 52 Plate Astra , and an 11plate  178,000 Skoda estate , and you want the SEAT Cupra on a 16 plate , Yes Pal are you up for a deal then , NOT without a £15,295 debit card as well my friend . So that was a NO 

I've even looked at some sites thinking I'm part of a swap club somewhere LOL:lol:

 

 

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Worked with a South African salesman who was fantastic, great salesman but he could also be really rude and customers didn't notice / loved it / thought it was funny. 

One of his best 

Customer: I've been to a ford and they are going to give me £3000 in px for my car, what can you do?! 

Salesman: Grab your stuff, Let's go, I'll give you a lift down there!!! 

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