BHM

Hahaha, lets be honest here, how many of you would suggest one of Frances finest to a family member? And as for a 308 absolutely no bloody chance whatsoever!!! Owners of French cars must get used to fixing them because every time I have a Frenchie there’s always something already wrong with it OR something goes wrong during my ownership. It’s a shame they’re popular with the punters otherwise I’d never touch one.

Hahaha, (on any Monday or Tuesday) “I’m very interested blah blah blah” for 5 minutes. THEN “Are you open this weekend” Last week a Friday phone caller said he’d come on Monday. He lives about half a mile from my place!! I should’ve asked him which Monday cos he never appeared on Monday!! The thing is, in my many years of doing this I’m not sure I’ve ever met one of these dreamers. I used to say to them I could get to Australia in 24 hours so why can’t they come from XXXX sooner? I can’t be arsed now & just tell them “Phone when you’re cashed up & ready to deal” and as always in this game, the wheat is separated from the chaff by the merest mention of money.

Hahaha Avengers, cheap cars for the greedy back in the day - or at least that’s my recollection of them as the local corner shop owner had a few & he was as greedy as greedy can be - if the “quarter of midget gems” was fractionally over on the scales he’d take them out of the bag individually. Anyhow one night his crappy Avenger failed to start (this seemed a regular occurrence in the cold weather but it didn’t deter him - I think he had at least 3 of Hillman’s/Chrysler’s finest). So our greedy shop owner flagged down a neighbour who tethered a rope onto the Avenger’s chrome bumper. Inevitably the bumper was ripped off the car and the old Avenger was left standing - it was like a scene from a Benny Hill sketch but without the scantily clad women. Then greedy old b*****d got us kids to push start him with the cry of “Thanks, I’ll give you a few sweets” as he drove away. I’m still bloody waiting for my sweets!!!!!!

Hahaha, to say that engine is a piece of shit is an understatement.

Don’t worry, arseholes are given short shrift but he was a nice enough person, just unfortunately also one who’d frightened himself about clutches. Also, I’d had a call on the way to collect him about the same car & they were on their way so I was keen to bin him off. Tbh I’m a fair man so if someone has made the effort to travel a few hours on the train then the least I can do is return him to the station if they’ve got cold feet. It’s only happened a few times & it keeps my conscience clear.

Another nutter courtesy of eBay at the weekend. Came 3 hours on the train, his first question when I meet him is about the clutch. His second question as he gets into the car is about the clutch. As he sets off he says “the clutch is funny” to which I respond “the clutch is perfect”. On the drive to my gaff I ask him why he’s buying, he says his 190K 18year old Bora is a little tired (ALARM BELLS: VW man). He crawls back at 35-40mph. At my place when my back is turned he removes the expansion tank cap & is obviously rewarded with coolant flying all over. He asks “why does the water feel slimy?” I swill off the engine bay with a bucket of water. Now at this point I should say he claims to be a full time bus fitter/mechanic so would, I assume, have substantially more knowledge than me. He then proceeds to alternately look at the (perfect) exhaust tip and at the gearbox casing. I can see he’s looking worried. He starts mumbling about the clutch yet again and then (like most of these spineless cretins do) mentions “the wife might struggle”. He then says his speed was limited driving here due to the worn clutch!!!!!! I slam the bonnet, tell him to get in because you’re going back to the train station. He looked surprised & started stuttering “Are you sure? Are you sure?” My answer “Yes I am, you started whinging about the clutch before you even got into the car, you’ve convinced yourself the clutch is knackered & now you’re concerned about your wife’s driving skills in THIS car so the deal is finished. Get in the car if you want a lift”. I then drive the car to the train station. He mentions the bloody clutch again! “Does it not feel funny to you?” I accelerate out of a roundabout at full pelt, I get the car up to 95mph before the next roundabout, I look at him sat there in silence & simply say “No”.

Suspicious/dishonest people are the ones who are naturally suspicious of other people because they only sell when they are shafting over other people. Yesterday phone punter on a car. I ‘had a go’ at him because despite knowing I’ve has the clutch replaced & have stamped the book he asked for the receipt!!! I asked “Do your sort not trust anyone? I’ve had it done, I’ve stamped the book so do you really want me to also write out a receipt to myself?” No answer. Another phone punter one on a £1000 car. It turns out he’s ex-trade (aren’t they always!!!) and is phoning on behalf of a friend. He’s never even read the advert, him/his friend are obviously the greedy, suspicious type but when he tells me he’s 120 miles away but his friend is only 5 miles away I blow my top. I ask “why can’t your friend be bothered to phone me, why is he phoning you? You don’t have the bloody car & I’m going to tell him the same as I tell you”. I’d never make a sale to this pair of arseholes so I confirm again that he claims he’s ex-trade & then give him it with both barrels. After about 2 minutes of me ranting about penniless messers f***ing us about etc. he says he’ll “report back to his friend & let him know”!!!! Some f***ing trader he is/was, not even got the backbone to tell me to f.o.

Funny that, I’m just wondering whether or not it’s worth the bother trying to get to Washington & Birtley. I confess to the “I’ll nick a few” mentality but it dawned on me that the bar-stewards will run them up anyway - there’s no reward for loyalty nowadays.

Probably just convenient excuses from punters’ getting cold feet. They’ve saved you washing the car after they’ve “gone home to think about it”.

Eh? I guess there’ll also be some interest to pay out of the £300 mark-up. Why the f*** are traders working on them sort of margins?

MODERATOR, please move this to mumsnet.

So he’ll have about £3900 in it assuming there are no repairs or prep costs I work for that if I’ve had a car in stock 3 or 4 months but if that’s the sort of margin some think they can work for then it’s no wonder I buy very little from the block.

That’s clearly an arsehole tester.

Whenever I’ve came across a very very low mileage car (admittedly rarely & at today’s prices, never) I’ve found them to be unserviced, drive like a sack of shit & clearly uncared for - usually with a Hyundai badge on the front, I think the punters were greedy (who’d of thought that!!) The only decent low milers I ever did were them horrible CityRovers. Don’t laugh but they got so cheap at the block, no one in the trade wanted them but the punters loved them (and they were nice pleasant punters too) - I don’t think I ever had one in stock for more than a week.

Haha, I’m sure that offer’s coming.

It’s the first time someone has ever been prepared to pay for one, I think usually punters say it to call our bluff. I have no objection although next time (if ever) I’ll insist I get a copy of the report. Tbh the car is a heap of shit & is being sold as such with a short list of trivial faults & a few lumps & bumps - it’s half-price and its faults are all there in black & white but the greedy ebayer clearly didn’t read beyond the first line and, as ever with greedy people, they only focus on the price. I’m happy to have helped a thicko waste £120 of his own money inspecting a defective car. Who the f*** in their right mind pays £120 to inspect a scruffy 10yr old Peugeot?

Very very true, I’ll use that the next time a punter is trying it on. I’ve a couple of cars with recent cambelts, tyres & clutches etc. and after quizzing me about them a punter tried to chip me £500! I nearly choked!! So I offered to reinstall the old clutch & the worn out tyres. He then proceeded to pull out his phone to show me a Facebook advert - you couldn’t even see the registration no. of the car, never mind the lack of information regarding service history etc. “F***ing Facebook” I cried! “Go on, fill yer boots!!”.

An offer to unwind the contract that cuts absolutely no ice with a judge if the customer doesn’t want to. I know of two traders who’s defence was based on “I’ve offered a full refund but it was rejected”. Both got the same brush off & ended up paying out handsomely for a list of absolute trivial items but both were fussy & adversarial customers. You are correct about calling a punter’s bluff, tbh a simple “f.o., stop extracting the urine” often suffices Of course, as always if you smell a difficult punter don’t sell to them in the first place.

No, you have absolutely no right to instruct a retail customer to terminate/reverse the contract.

I’ve often wondered that myself. I told a greedy punter last week (asking why they existed as I thought they’re Mickey Mouse) that it was to get a couple of quid from gullible punters at the supermarket. He didn’t seem impressed & although I’m still awaiting him phoning me the car he was attempting to barter on has gone. Perhaps Parker’s has supplied him with one!!!!!

Don’t you have trade plates?

Sorry but I’m going to sound argumentative here but this job is about two things - the CARS & the PUNTERS - and if either one of them is shite then you’ve potential for a problem. To my mind the paperwork is just a side show. Yes, if you want the best defence on the very rare occasion you may be taken to court then make sure you’ve done as much paperwork as possible. This forum seems to be half full of traders thinking getting dragged to court would be a regular occurrence without a paperwork trail. It’s not. Simply get your cars right, don’t promise the earth & chase away the arsehole punters and your business should be fine. Just my two penneth worth & I know many will disagree.

Contrary to Arfur my interpretation of this (after my day in court) was that the judge CLEARLY was only interested in how the vehicle was advertised. As an example, if your advert does not mention faults but your subsequent receipt/PDI/discussion does then it makes little difference because, in the first instance, you misled a retail consumer with your advert. Say you’ve given a punter a big discount to get a ‘sticky’ car away, got them to sign a spares or repair invoice “trailered away”, it counts for nowt unless this matches the original advertisement. This is based on my 1 experience of being taken to court but I can assure anyone that THE JUDGE WAS ONLY INTERESTED IN THE ADVERTISEMENT. To him, any differences marked on the invoice had no bearing on the contract, only to point out my failings in trying to remove a consumer’s rights. Separate to this, with regards to small items which wouldn’t render the vehicle unfit for purpose (such as A/C not working) my understanding is that if the items are not on the advert then they are not deemed part of the sale. So in the case of a car with faulty A/C you should either write “A/C not working” or simply make no reference to A/C. I’m sure some of you will disagree with these two paragraphs but the first is based on my one day in court years ago & second paragraph after I spoke to a Trading Standards dept.

Cos when she sees you she thinks “here’s that punter that’s always trying to get something for nowt”

Really!?!! I think you mean 124.9p Asda 118.9p pl today.