BHM

Some cars just won’t shift no matter what you do & sometimes you just have to sit it out. I’ve got one vehicle (small Shitron) and I’ve moved the price from between £2200 & £3999 and can I bollocks get any interest in it. Tbh I’m not interested in the fucking thing so why should I expect a member of the public to show interest in such a peasant conveyance? The only fuckers who’ve been interested couldn’t rustle up a ha’penny to scratch their arses. It’s just a reminder to me why I don’t ‘do’ small cars - give me an old 4x4 any day of the week with a proper profit that sells within a week or two.

Are these the same cnuts who email gormless questions at 3am on Facebook?

All aware they have a week or so “to try it out”. I’ll leave that sort of customer to the big boys (like I’ll be doing free delivery, free trials etc. on my older cars ).

I can feel the pain in your writing. Just ignore the daft cnuts, in the unlikely event one of them is semi-serious they’ll phone when they don’t get an email.

Go to a main dealer & I think most will stamp the book as long as it gets only oil & a filter. Also I’ve noticed with fleet/lease cars they only instruct to do the bare minimum. Cambelt due but only 3 months left of the lease? They’ll happily leave it (tbh I’d do the same).

One that we are not allowed to know

Upon reading the CDM article I gather he lashed out on social media then removed it - a poor show really, showing he’s not even prepared to stand by what he says. From the video it looks like he’s gone to square-up the kids thinking he’s the big gaffer, failing to realise he has no authority over them, or gain any respect from them. At the end of the day it’s a planning issue that has turned into poor PR for his business. However it’ll soon blow over.

Scrap it? The OP claims the work will cost £400 (it must need an awful lot of welding for £400) but the car is also worth £1500. Although tbh it all sounds like bollocks to me. Anyhow I certainly wouldn’t be chucking £1100 onto the scrap pile!

Thank fuck for a bit of common sense.

That’s all it needs so I’m unsure why you’re unhappy. So what? Advisories are a pass. Sorry but I don’t understand what you & DCS01 think is so wrong. It’s a 17yr old car that’s only failed on 2 bits of welding almost 5 months, 700 miles & the season of WINTER. Tbh without knowing the type of car, reg etc. we’re all in the dark anyway. Do you really class a bit of welding & a splash of Underseal as too much of a spend?

I differ totally to TRADE SURVIVOR. MOT complaints are heard for the first month, or 3 months for corrosion. Something like almost 5 months have now passed, don’t waste your phone call because they will not be interested. We all know there are MOTs & there are MOTs, sometimes looking at the mileage since MOT, tax end date can give you a clue there’s a tale, sometimes not. All it’s failed on are a couple of bits of welding. The rest are advisories so all you are really complaining about are the failures & I’m afraid holes in end-of-life cars can, and do, appear in the space of 4 to 5 months. Expecting a 16/17year old car to fly through an MOT suggests your a ‘glass half full’ type of person. I repeatedly hear the trade say ‘it passed its last MOT with flying colours so it should be ok this time’ . I deal in a bit of old shite & old cars do NOT fly through MOT after MOT without a bit of hand/wallet interaction.

Old story I’m afraid. I’ve never had an XC90 leak but XC60s must use the same windscreen adhesive as Ford (being the Ford years it makes sense), stand beside the A-post & a gentle push in the top corner from below will show most screens move. The remedy is to either remove & reglue the screen (risking a broken screen) or simply slice out the top gasket & use windscreen glue along the top gap & down the sides up against the decorative trim. The big hassle is removing the interior - you need to remove all seats, the three carpet pieces, suck out the water but you’ll never dry out the foam so just rip it off the carpet back & replace with loads of house carpet underlay or old towels (the height of professionalism). Replace carpets after drying out on the Mrs’s radiator. FOR OBVIOUS REASONS THIS IS EXACTLY THE SAME PROCEDURE AS FOR FORD KUGAS, although they also piss in on the body seams under the roof rails & ESPECIALLY those body seams you can see when the boot is open. ALSO, for Ford Focuses see the italicised writing in the paragraph above. If I sound like an old hand at this it’s because I am - through bitter experience.

A good engine. So good in fact, the second day I parked in Newcastle upon Tyne in my diesel Maestro, some light fingered Geordie relieved me of said Maestro. Happy memories

A number of large employers are already working their staff harder than before - a visit to almost any supermarket will see staff working like dogs. I also suspect there’ll be a number of companies who realise that up to a third of their staff are deadwood & will act accordingly once the furlough cheques stop.

Thank you very much, you’ve just made me very happy. I used them a couple of years ago & but had forgotten all about them. I’ve got a shite p/x that I was going to nail back together - I punched in the reg. & have been offered £505! I couldn’t fucking believe it! Guess where it’s going

You should be grateful it wasn’t one of my customers on their way home. The number who leave here saying they’ll sort their insurance when they get home astounds me. It’s not restricted to banger buyers either.

These are often the same punters who ask questions like “Is it safe?”, “Any advisories?” & “What are the tyres like?”, because they like to make out they’re fussy about roadworthiness.

I’ve never understood the remapping ‘thing’ as putting additional stresses on old & worn components doesn’t make any sense to me. I’ve found it’s the punters who own a German ‘prestige’ cars that offer up this sort of dross. Too many owners, not enough history, knackered tyres & a smokey exhaust. When you get to the truth of the matter they’re usually chopping it in cos they’ve had a bellyful of issues. Just like old Range Rover or Sport owners - I get offered one a month from some punter who eventually admits its half-fucked.

This

The idiots are out in force. I’ve had a barrage of idiotic phone calls, a pensioner expecting my £4000 car to be like their 2 week old Motability car that “we’ve just bought” (I’d call it rented with benefits money) but thankfully his leeks won’t fit in the back so I didn’t even get to refuse a test drive and walk-in from another pensioner, this time carrying a plastic bag on his way to the shops who’s just rejected an Internet-purchase car & now has money burning a hole in his pocket. For his money he wants something with plenty of spec, a nice shape (eh?), sensible miles, leather would be nice and AUTOMATIC!!!! His budget is £1500, possibly £2000. After starting to politely sack him off I changed tack & just let rip & told him a few truths. I suspect he won’t be returning. He honestly thinks £1500 buys the Earth! What fucking medication are these imbeciles on? I’m more or less with you on this. I prep hard, above MOT standards, & get next to no comebacks. I’ve only put my hand in my pocket (for comebacks) twice in the last two years - once for £50 & the other a tenner. Admittedly being a one man band & only selling a handful a month helps keep the screamers away. However I don’t deal with credit punters, I talk straight, don’t over promise & simply will not deal with those expecting the red carpet treatment or if I smell the scent of Eau de Fussy Bastard.

You’re 100% correct but would the typical salesperson, or any MA employee, know a bad car from a good one? Personally I doubt it, the majority are simply ‘in sales’ and could as easily be selling phones, sofas or beds. It would be akin to me appraising the latest smart phone - it switches on so it must be alright . As for the workshop staff, I can’t ever see a MA paying for an hours wage & a couple of gallons of fuel to go & kick a cars arse for 50-60 miles, which in my experience is what’s needed to show an old banger’s true character.

Answer: probably like most other internet businesses (in my experience of small items I’ve had problems with that means ignoring calls & emails, eventually blaming Covid & just generally being fucked about either by the supplier or by their courier who hasn’t made any attempt whatsoever to deliver).

And if you’re anything like me it usually turns to shit.

As always, customers call, messers mail. I’m not saying a customer may not of initially emailed but a SERIOUS buyer picks up the phone sharpish. Two cars nailed by yesterday lunchtime both to people able to use a telephone. The email buffoons, circling like vultures, are still umming & arrring, pondering their next move or making pitiful attempts of haggling by email. Some of these digital ditherers (a.k.a. fucking morons) even get shirty when they’re informed the car has sold - I had one the other week on a Smart telling me I shouldn’t be allowed to sell cars “because we’d agreed a deal” (Eh?), he’s already taken out insurance & he is reporting me to Trading Standards. Mental.