I'm not going to buy your car because........

[D&M 66]

The ashtray is too small

Yes, that's right THE ASHTRAY IS TOO SMALL

Some people

Anyway, always nice to know that there isn't anything else they can try and pick at!

 

Just had someone else come out - has done a lot of research into the car and is also a mechanic (sure pal!)

Can't even find the bonnet release!

 

Anyone else have a story to have a chuckle at?

[Arfur Dealy 823]

If the cretin had said that to me I would of promptly escorted him off my land.....Moronic, **** taking little ****..

Edited October 31, 2017 by Becca Chaplin

[Row 71]

Had a mechanic friend of a customer come to view a 1.2 Corsa, first thing he said was as the timing belt been changed ! mmmmm

[D&M 66]

We've had that a number of times with camchain engines

We really can't stand when people bring their 'mechanic' friends with them.

Years ago we had a young lad come out and view mk1 Golf cabrio - Lad was the 'mechanic' who came back with a list of issues.

His Dad quietly told us that he had worked at Halfords for half a day!

 

Had another father and son come and look at a Panda 100HP we had. Told us they knew these Pandas inside out. They were insistent that the car had been re-laquered from the waistline down (I thanked them for the huge compliment of our valeting job!) - car hadn't seen any paint in it's life.

What it did have, that these 'experts' failed to notice was the front wing had been replaced and the stick on stripe was slightly thicker and darker than the stripe along the rest of the car.

[trade vet 702]

Try trading stuff to retailers,they are worse than punters.The excuses not to pay,or chip you,it is  unbelievable how people who you think are OK mess you about !

[BHM 994]

As soon as I hear mechanic I stand back & let them get on with it. On the rare occasion they are a mechanic it’s obvious as they smile, crack a joke, do a few cursory checks & then say “let’s go for a drive”.

The non-mechanic-mechanics start pissing about making complete twats of themselves (as your comments above state) and any general questions from the punter I give the ‘mechanic’ a chance to answer. The charade normally lasts a couple of minutes before I put them out of their misery and ask “what sort of a mechanic are you?” to which they normally smile & look relieved.

Anyhow here are some of ‘my’ reasons for not buying;

1) Customer thought the cable ties holding on the wheeltrims were holding the wheels onto the car.

2) “Sorry, I want a diesel & hate orange”. The punter did a 300 mile round trip to see an orange, petrol Freelander.

3) “I wanted a diesel” The same bloody Freelander!! A pair of chumps drove almost 6 hours from South Wales to the North East and it was now 7pm on a miserable winter’s night. I just laughed in their faces, told them to enjoy their journey back, plipped the central locking & shut the front door in their faces.

4) “The cambelt’s not been changed”. On a petrol Honda Jazz. The best part is her “mechanic” agreed with her. The “mechanic” works in the valeting bay at a local VW specialist........

5) “There aren’t enough chips on the windscreen for an 8 year old car” Apparently that equates to the windscreen being replaced after a serious accident.

6) A punter didn’t like the colour of the steering wheel (03ish Vitara with grey dashboard & steering wheel).

[have a word with the wife 299]

i think weve all had the cream in rocker cover brigade " head gaskets gone mate " 1 hour after being on co machine at mot 

pulling on back wheels to check bearings, but the handbrakes on 

dripping water from tailpipe "definitely head gasket mate "

he stuck his finger up tailpipe and got sooty finger, he asked for a rag, told him to get his own 

my biggest gripe ? people who piss in your toilets and then have 2 more to look at 

[D&M 66]

Enjoying these little tales!

The toilets - Yes, on more than one occasion we've had families of 5 or 6 in our house doing the paperwork and all of them need to use the toilet and need a drink too!

We've had a customer call about a £690 P/X - asked for a £370 discount so he could get the cambelt replaced

Cream in the filler cap - Corsa's are a nightmare for that. They just won't listen when you tell them it's just condensation.

Let's not forget the people who come out and say 'It's a shame it has XX miles on it' - The mileage was in the advert... WHY BOTHER COMING OUT!?!

When customers now ask for discount, I've started to ask why I should give them a discount - I expect to hear things like; a couple of kerb marks on the alloys, maybe an advisory on the MOT that may need attention.

Instead, one woman recently decided to tell me all about her divorce to try a wangle a discount - she didn't get one!

[MrC 142]

Whilst finishing the paperwork the customer asked to use my loo.  The toilet door was very much in ear shot of where i was stood with his wife.

He didnt take a **** and we heard every thing.. And he was very clearly having bowl issues.

Talk about awkward

Edited October 31, 2017 by Becca Chaplin

[D&M 66]

This thread could go on and on...

Just thought of another one - Had so many people look under the bonnet and exclaim that the cambelt looks new! Wahay!

They're looking at the auxiliary belt

[have a word with the wife 299]

Many year ago i was asked if the cassette worked in the radio cassette, ive no idea i replied, he got a cassette from his own car, placed it in mine, and it promptly attacked it, he pressed eject and pulled out 3 foot of tape 

Very recently a chap walked round one and tapped each panel listening for filler ! and to top it off he pulled drivers door up n down checking for play in hinge ! havent seen that for years !

The old nail in door hinge hey ? 

[justina3 518]

The home made mechanic or Kwik fit fitter always make me walk off for a cupa, the time served mechanic i love to deal with as there living in the real world, I did sell a car to a VOSA inspector last year who asked if he could check the car using my ramp crack on i said, he then asked what mot station i used when i told him he replied there ok dont mind them, felt if i give him the wrong answer he would have walked, anyway he bought the car and never seen him since he was a nice guy to deal with apart from his big orange coat saying VOSA inspector all over it, i was going to try and pinch his coat watch peoples faces in horror if i walked into the auction with it on.

 

 

[trade vet 702]

What about the public sector, usually in  further education type family,taterly dressed,bloke with bushy beard,downtrodden wife/ partner in in old Laura Ashley type frock with worst of all their ' free range kids' often wearing NHS type ill fitting specs.They are very articulate,bloke speaks fluent 'top gear' language like 'no darling not that one,it's the entry model'.In the meantime Joshua and Tamara are in and out your stock,standing on seats,pulling off sales cards and leaving doors ajar...... !

[CJ Underhill 34]

Best on i had, a couple loved the car they were looking at

Right car, better spec than they wanted, newer then they had expected to get, lower mileage, and well within the budget

Lovely i thought, quick easy sale...

Tho after the test drive, they decided not to have it. The reason being...

 

Claustrophobic feet

[grant8064 219]

Loving these...

The 'bringing my mate who's a mechanic' is great. Most of the proper mechanics we get in have a quick flick through the service book and go for a spin round the block and make a few realistic notes based on it being a used product.

Best one we had told his customer to make sure they had a grand ready in case it blew up. Panicking customer asks why to be told by her friend that it's a 10 yr old car and that's what old cars can do! Proceeded to explain to her that she should buy new if she was gonna question everything and that it was a waste of time him being there on a 3k car that had just passed a ticket and had FSH. Did my job much better than I could have!

[It's me 615]

not had it for a while but customers who insist on checking the lights,i always told them i paid a man to do that (an mot man)

the amount of customers who think because the car has a fresh mot on it and i have a workshop that i did the test myself even though i dont advertise any kind of garage work on my buildings

revvers....dont get me started i always used to take the keys out of the ignition and fall out with them,i cant stand a cold engine being revved to this day

customers who you leave to peruse round a car and let them have the keys they start the engine and leave it ticking over,after 20 minutes i take the keys out and tell them thats my money your wasting

[Mat C 77]

Had one this Saturday.

Dad brings Daughter 2 1/2 hrs from Norwich to look at a 3 yr old lovely blue Convertible we have.

After talking her out of it, because he didn't like the roof, thought it might get slashed etc etc. The one reason that they went away empty handed..... her words exactly.... no lie

" I'll have to spend more time on my makeup when driving the car around with the roof down, not sure i'm prepared to make that much effort "

I give in! How come when its dead, the freaks come out?

[D&M 66]

Had 1 yesterday evening and one this afternoon...

Yesterday evening, came out to view a car we have with 174,000 on the clock... Didn't want it because it has stonechips on the bonnet

A message on eBay this afternoon on the same car... with you take £500 per month, and I'll collect it once it's paid for.

Why are £1,500 cars harder to sell than £15,000 ones?!

You guys have got some crackers too - laughing away here

[BHM 994]

Tbh we should point out how bloody stupid these cretins are. I know 99% of the time you’re pissing into the wind but I always hope (in vain) that I’m dealing with the 1%.

A couple of months ago a man & his 15yr old son came to see a well used p/x BMW estate - about 15 years old but BMW + 1 owner, low miles and £600.

Father says “Right, I’ll have to go & think about it”.

Me “What’s to think about? It’s a 1 owner, low mileage BMW estate for Halfords pushbike money”

The son (remember, a child) burst out laughing - he could obviously understand what I meant. Unfortunately Dad couldn’t & stood there with a gormless look on his face. Yet again I was dealing with the 99%. 

[D&M 66]

I can't stand the 'I'll have to go and think about it' brigade... If you aren't in the market to buy a car, why have you come all the way out to come and view the car if you have no intention of buying it?

Or 'I'll have to go and speak to the wife/partner/husband/uncle/dog' about it - Why come out if you aren't the person with any authority to make a decision?

We rarely offer discounts to buyers (and why should we, eh?)

One buyer was mortified that we would let him walk away instead of knocking £90 off the price. Asked him why we should discount... no answer, so he paid in full!

We've had a couple who have viewed and wanted to negotiate on the price, but to no avail... Almost all who have walked away have phoned within 2 hours and then paid in full via transfer.

Do these buyers not think that we don't research the market before pricing the cars?

[It's me 615]

refused to drop a oner this morning

refused to knock £20 off it for the road tax even

hes just paid in full and driven off

 

he who waits

[Rory RSC 596]

The only cars I actually really tend to reduce these days are the PX to clear type things when the guy is in front of me with the money.

 

Mainly because I get that fed up of calls at 2am and 3am coming through and daft offers I just CBA at that point 

[D&M 66]

5 hours ago, Rory RSC said:

Mainly because I get that fed up of calls at 2am and 3am coming through and daft offers I just CBA at that point 

I don't know why people call or expect a response at that sort of time? Crazy.

Latest viewing we've done is 10:00PM as the guy was running very late. Could tell he was a buyer so didn't mind too much.

He left a deposit to collect the next day. Showed up earlier, but done an online transfer which took ages to land in our account so he didn't leave with the car until gone 10:00PM again that night.

Never again.

[BHM 994]

I don’t answer phone calls after about 7pm, my adverts clearly state “no texts” and I answer emails a couple of times a day.

99% of these idiots phoning at all hours that I used to get were just that, idiots. If they are so keen at let’s say 10pm, then they are l unlikely to purchase elsewhere so if they are genuine they’ll phone again tomorrow.

This year I can count on two fingers the no. of punters who originally phoned at stupid-o-clock, phoned the next day and then actually bought. The no. of strangers who don’t phone again or when they do (normally days later) are clearly full of shit must be double figures every week. I’d have a breakdown if I dealt with every pillock who phoned.

[metcars 397]

11 hours ago, BHM said:

I don’t answer phone calls after about 7pm, my adverts clearly state “no texts” and I answer emails a couple of times a day.

99% of these idiots phoning at all hours that I used to get were just that, idiots. If they are so keen at let’s say 10pm, then they are l unlikely to purchase elsewhere so if they are genuine they’ll phone again tomorrow.

This year I can count on two fingers the no. of punters who originally phoned at stupid-o-clock, phoned the next day and then actually bought. The no. of strangers who don’t phone again or when they do (normally days later) are clearly full of shit must be double figures every week. I’d have a breakdown if I dealt with every pillock who phoned.

Funny world. I've sold a few cars to chefs/waiters/kitchen staff who all work weird hours. Ask to view at 7am or 10pm on a sunday night. I suppose it's one of the bitter pills I have to swallow for living in a large city as the city never sleeps?