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gone to work absolutely no idea why all my cars are the same colour

2 kayaks taken in against an Avenger, back in gas street lamp days, am I showing how long I have been around this trade, 47 years if anyone is interested.

why? i leave them where they are standing i once kicked a punter out of the car on a test drive because his driving was so bad

I bet i've bought loads of bloody handbooks, parcel shelves and gear knobs off her...what's her eBay id?

Genius haha, few examples of customer taking the actual gear stick knob, Always seem to be on Citroen C1 where they just twist and come off. even caught a customer doing this and said why have you done that, answer well you must have lots of replacements you wont miss it, she wasn't even buying another c1 what was she going to do with it I wonder.

Batteries,and they would Keep jacks,w/braces,spare wheels and tax discs etc .....can anyone beat this one....back in the day,..I was collecting from a main dealer having underwrote a swapper,the punter had taken out the radio and carefully stuck a life size photograph of the exact radio in its place.....

Another nutter courtesy of eBay at the weekend. Came 3 hours on the train, his first question when I meet him is about the clutch. His second question as he gets into the car is about the clutch. As he sets off he says “the clutch is funny” to which I respond “the clutch is perfect”. On the drive to my gaff I ask him why he’s buying, he says his 190K 18year old Bora is a little tired (ALARM BELLS: VW man). He crawls back at 35-40mph. At my place when my back is turned he removes the expansion tank cap & is obviously rewarded with coolant flying all over. He asks “why does the water feel slimy?” I swill off the engine bay with a bucket of water. Now at this point I should say he claims to be a full time bus fitter/mechanic so would, I assume, have substantially more knowledge than me. He then proceeds to alternately look at the (perfect) exhaust tip and at the gearbox casing. I can see he’s looking worried. He starts mumbling about the clutch yet again and then (like most of these spineless cretins do) mentions “the wife might struggle”. He then says his speed was limited driving here due to the worn clutch!!!!!! I slam the bonnet, tell him to get in because you’re going back to the train station. He looked surprised & started stuttering “Are you sure? Are you sure?” My answer “Yes I am, you started whinging about the clutch before you even got into the car, you’ve convinced yourself the clutch is knackered & now you’re concerned about your wife’s driving skills in THIS car so the deal is finished. Get in the car if you want a lift”. I then drive the car to the train station. He mentions the bloody clutch again! “Does it not feel funny to you?” I accelerate out of a roundabout at full pelt, I get the car up to 95mph before the next roundabout, I look at him sat there in silence & simply say “No”.

Suspicious/dishonest people are the ones who are naturally suspicious of other people because they only sell when they are shafting over other people. Yesterday phone punter on a car. I ‘had a go’ at him because despite knowing I’ve has the clutch replaced & have stamped the book he asked for the receipt!!! I asked “Do your sort not trust anyone? I’ve had it done, I’ve stamped the book so do you really want me to also write out a receipt to myself?” No answer. Another phone punter one on a £1000 car. It turns out he’s ex-trade (aren’t they always!!!) and is phoning on behalf of a friend. He’s never even read the advert, him/his friend are obviously the greedy, suspicious type but when he tells me he’s 120 miles away but his friend is only 5 miles away I blow my top. I ask “why can’t your friend be bothered to phone me, why is he phoning you? You don’t have the bloody car & I’m going to tell him the same as I tell you”. I’d never make a sale to this pair of arseholes so I confirm again that he claims he’s ex-trade & then give him it with both barrels. After about 2 minutes of me ranting about penniless messers f***ing us about etc. he says he’ll “report back to his friend & let him know”!!!! Some f***ing trader he is/was, not even got the backbone to tell me to f.o.

had the same today, customer was very concerned that our 47k mile hatchback had had its cambelt and water pump replaced................it's 13 years old.

I had a classic yesterday; 60 plate Golf (I know, I know) 60k, good history, tidy but hard to get excited over. It's between £200 - £400 below market value depending on which guide you look at, so basically if you phone up on it you should be buying it. Get the call, likes the look, needs a car and it's in budget. Post test drive and he loves the steering and power but can't proceed without talking to the garage he uses first because... "I just find it a bit strange that the cambelt and water pump have been done so recently so I think it might have a few issues you're not disclosing" I'm usually pretty polite but that did manage to tip me just over the edge.

I have no tolerance for cretins....... DELETE....... Muahahahahaha

Camper advertised at £25k, call this morning.. Will you take £16k.. I laughed so hard some wee came out

What's wrong with people, honestly. I was a manager for a big supermarket with a petrol station many years ago, and I can't remember anyone moaning. I do remember reading something about one store that had a batch of contaminated fuel delivered, which (I think) had water in it or something. Millions of cars run on and use supermarket fuel with no issues. Can't believe some of these questions the punters come up with - even after so many years in the game. Wasn't there a post on here a while back where someone was asked by a potential customer if they could 'categorically say that a dog had never been in the car'? Shouldn't laugh..