BHM

How anyone escapes VAT & makes a living wage is beyond me but half of the traders at auction seem to be in this boat - it’s no wonder the HMRC takes a dim view of this industry. I must confess I’m not ltd status & haven’t looked into it but perhaps I should. Mind you, there’s one trader I know who registered for ltd status in his first month of trading, all he sells is pure shit from his front door on a housing estate but ISN’T VaT registered. I’ve been told of a family outfit who seem to buy on different accounts at auction to avoid the VAT man - I assume it’s all legal & above board but........ I got my collar felt years ago after a couple of years of trading & got a few big bills so I pay my VAT & income tax like a good boy - I sleep at night & aren’t looking over my shoulder. Someone (and let’s be honest, there’s plenty of them doing it) taking the piss for years really is running the gauntlet. Tbh I wish Immigration Control, the Police, HMRC & Inland Revenue would regularly swoop on every auction house. I’d walk past unconcerned but my guess is a good 50% would be sweating & looking to do a commando role out of the nearest exit.

Pay your bills & you won’t get a visit from the bailiffs. That’s nothing to do with car dealing, that’s to do with how you run your life.

Tbh a small minority have done this for years. I’m stuff up to generally £4K & over the years I’ve sold a few like that in the UK, years ago 1 or 2 a month went to Ireland unseen along with a similar figure into Eastern Europe for what was, 10 years ago, a newly open market. Tbh I think punters are far more cautious & I’ve only sold & sent one unseen in the last year. I found it was usually stuff at the top end of my price range - the export stuff was going for profit but anything in the UK seemed to go to a big house with flash cars (so the delivery driver told me on a few occasions) so I guess they were a third car (usual oldish 4x4s) & not a major purchase for them hence buying unseen. 10 years ago any shitty old 150,000 mile van with a kitchen unit thrown in the back & one socket for an external plug-in passed as a CHEAP!! Budget Mobile Home needs tidying! (don’t laugh, I sold a couple of such turds. In hindsight, unbelievably the fact they had no windows was no deterrent!) and anything resembling what you’d consider as a proper old motor home sold blind within days because punters were shitty frightened of loosing a gem. Funnily enough I never once had any sort of comeback even though some of the sills on old Transits had to be swept up into a carrier bag.

......until the EML illuminates & then all of a sudden they revert back to a whinging, whining private. Many a moon ago in the early days of eBay I had a scruffy, miley Pug I couldn’t shift (it was an ex-motability pig bought half-blind). One eBay auction later & one of the ‘part-time, like the profit but don’t like the shit part of the game, traders’ (I was part-time at the time but prepared to take the rough with the smooth) turned-up, all the big talk, wanted the documents etc. so obviously I was more than happy to give him his chance with the car. As he handed the money over he asked me why I’d sold it at the money so I gave him the absolute truth “Well, you’ve seen it, it’s a scruffy heap of shit, the interior stinks in the sun, I’ve had it 4 months, have had 6 punters on it but they all walked. Good luck with it cos I couldnt give it away”. He looked horrified! 10 minutes later, he’s back whining “the brakes are noisy”. I got in the car, thrashed it up the road to 60 & flung on the brakes which cleaned the discs up a treat. Whilst turning the car I looked him in the eye, told him I didn’t know what sort of trader couldn’t diagnose surface corrosion on brakes, thrashed it back the 200yds, did another emergency stop and told him “You’re a trader, you’ve bought it trade so don’t bother making excuses cos the car is YOURS. Now f*** off & don’t come back”. Those were the days!

F*** me, you lazy bar-steward, you’re worse than me!

.....otherwise you’re no better than those private punter bullshitters who phone us wanting a trade deal.

I’m assuming here you’re working to a tight budget, otherwise you’d be getting them refurbed professionally. If that’s the case the best v. cost was to remove the wheels, give them a jet wash, 1 tin of Halfords body shop grey primer then 2 tins of Halfords wheel paint. I opted to use the grey as the inevitable pock marks of a poorly prepped wheel were better hidden. If you’re looking for anywhere near perfection don’t bother with this, but if you just want a uniform colour & something to take the eye away from wheels that are an eyesore then this worked for me last month (used out of desperation but when needs must!)

Here’s today’s best phone enquiry on a £1399 gem; Punter: Hi, I’m interested in the car. Will you take £1200? Me: No but I’ll split the difference at £1300. 5 minutes of questions later........... Punter: Ok I’ll phone you NEXT Friday when I’ve got the money.

Back to the original question. Preparation time is bloody murder nowadays & mine certainly are far from ‘minted up’!! Indeed I’ve seen tidier cars in the scrappage scheme pile. 1) Many punters don’t look after cars mechanically. 2) Many punters don’t look after cars cosmetically. 3) Cars are more ‘complicated’ & as such have more to go wrong. 4) in these financially chastened times many punters are only changing cars because they believe there old car is knackered. Hence the percentage of problem cars is higher than when times were better. Depressingly it wasn’t until late March that I purchased my first vehicle this year that required virtually zero prep - just a bucket of water & 2 minutes with a touch-up pen. Oddly enough I’ve bought 2 old shitters via Dealer Auction this week & both have required nothing other than a good bath. How long can this last...........

Thanks very much to Justin & Grant. Fleabay came good as I purchased a pump with identical no.s on the valve body although a totally different ECU, switched ECUs & all’s fine.

Sorry, I disagree, or at least I do when it comes to miley examples (I don’t do low milers). Any CRV sells if it’s priced correctly, these cars attract straight punters not fussy bastards.

Well, at £4100 plus the bit I guess there’s going to be another expensive silver one for sale soon.

The engine was revved at the same time as someone else opened the boot resulting in the dashboard clocks momentarily failing then the traction & service lights illuminated. Vive la France! PS I heard cries of FSH from the trade. My definition of FSH isn’t 5 services on a 13 year old car. F***ing loads, all fighting for pure shit at top dollar, then add the auction house bit and then drive these shitters out and find why they’ve been traded-in....... Tbh the place is an overpriced scrapyard.

I’ve never had a diesel Civic but used to do a few petrol Type-S. They collapsed overnight & another trader found the same. I’ve noticed the book values have started softening on the diesels so they’ll be ‘Banger Focus/Astra’ money shortly. Personally I’d not want to have an 11yr old hatchback stood at strong money - I’d GUESS they need to be keenly priced.

That just goes to show how accurate review systems are.

They are when it comes to paying but they aren’t when it comes to a proper cash deal or if a problem subsequently arises. I was offered a cash deal over the phone yesterday from someone wanting a few quid off, trade & allegedly no hassles. I asked “Is this a PROPER cash deal?” to which came the answer “Yes, I’ll transfer the money from my account to yours”. If that wasn’t bad enough punter then adds “I’ll speak to you on Wednesday when I have the money from my car that I’m selling. My neighbour says they’ll have the money for it by then”

I thought you couldn’t register a vehicle in the UK without a receipt from HMRC for the VAT & duty - or am I talking out of my backside? I’m also assuming it is UK registered.

I think the original question needs directing at HMRC or an accountant.

It’s not delivering any fluid to one of the calipers. It’s as though one of the internal valves is stuck closed - apparently very common.

Thank you gents.

Effing small cars, but I digress. Corsa D ABS pump failure - I’m told the valve block & apparently it’s a common failure. Anyhow, any suggestions where to send for repair? The only one I can think of is ecutesting but after using them once before I’d prefer to shop elsewhere, if possible. I’d normally fit a secondhand unit but I’ve scoured fleabay, there seems to be a myriad of options & unfortunately my part no.s aren’t to be found.

Errr....most actually. Or at least at my end of the market (up to £4000). Tbh you need to swap the bold ‘comment’ above to: In that case it clearly does NOT have it, does it? Forget your 1 & 2, the lesson learnt SHOULD be; Don’t pay out to chancers. Paying out to someone who you’ve dealt with honestly!?!! It wouldn’t happen here.

It doesn’t matter what the website - 99% of emailers are just dickheads messing about. Most are either dreamers, punters making stupid offers, or fuckwits with ridiculous p/x valuations. Predominantly contact made via email regarding cars is used by people who are filling in their spare time - we are used for entertain just the same way as garden centres on a Sunday. I’ve had 3 ridiculous email offers on eBay over the last fortnight to which I’ve answered ‘Yes’ hoping for a little sport. Guess what, no sport cos none of these dickheads even follow up.

I’ve seen traders warn private punters of genuine problems! No f***ing chance here, if they want to swim with the sharks & rob the trade of a sale then they can get well & truly shafted.

I’d still deport them. And horsewhip as they left the gang plank halfway across the seas. Tbh anyone who bought anything from either Abdullah or Zahid want their heads looking at - if I went to view a car & either one of those two appeared I’d do a 180° & leave. I suspect this is a case of horrible greedy scum selling to thick greedy scum & as the old saying goes ‘you can’t con an honest man’.