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One of the aspects of my job that I really dislike is a certain type of "buyer". I'm not one for profiling people but this category seem to have all gone to the same school. For me they usually come out on Saturdays. Today it happened again: "Can we come and look at your 2011 Audi 2.0 TFSI Quattro Auto in an hour?" I asked the lady that called a lot of questions about being serious about buying it, have they read the advert in full, have they watched the video, are they sure OUR car is THE car for them, do they need finance, do they have part ex ("Yes, it's gorgeous!!!"), how much are they looking for the p/x (£3K) etc etc etc. They called at 11, I gave them an appointment for 2:00-2:45pm, then spent an hour cleaning the TT again, a bit of polish, getting it as presentable as possible. They were bang on time at 2pm, had travelled over an hour from Kent. Their p/x looked OK but had an EML and Glow plug light on. (Polo 1.6 TDI, 70K, fault code for DPF pressure sensor). Clutch was heavy, flywheel vibrations. They had a good look at the Audi, LOVED IT. "Does it tick all the boxes, Do you want to buy it?". Yes, it looks great can we go for a drive? Of course we can (me on the back seat of the TT, snug fit to say the least). Sat at my desk after after a while, they both mused at the full Audi history and all the other paperwork (with which I am OCD). CAP Clean for their 2010 Polo TDI (70K) was just over £3K, with incomplete history and EML with the DPF code I offered £2500 which I knew was more than most offers they would get and fully expected that to be followed by a handshake and a hug! Instead I got a "Cash" offer of £8K plus the Polo for my £11500 Audi. We love your AUDI but our budget is £8K. "Why didn't you say so several hours ago on the phone so I can save us both hours of our time?" We had to see it, it's so nice but we only have £8K. I offered a bit more for the part ex but we were still too far apart so off they went to look at the next TT on their list: a 2010 TT TDI with a few more miles and Manual! The husband had a very guilty look on his face when they left, the wife couldn't care less, I was as nice as a car dealer can be after 2 hours of their working Saturday were almost completely wasted. I know, we get paid to have our time wasted. But still hate it! Rant over...

They’re deader than the dinosaurs. F*** me, months & months ago I took in a silver one with wheeltrims (but FSH, new tyres etc) and I’ve never opened the door - small car men are concerned with alloy wheels & colour. Eventually I obliterated the price but even that failed to elicit a single phone call! I swear I’ll go to my grave in it. All it’s good for is to remind me not to buy another. PS when the buyers’ come they’re usual scum anyway.

I had something with an A4 avant, there’s a fan/motor behind the glovebox somewhere, when that turbine/motor becomes off centre it can make a noise similar to what you are saying, comes on with AC off and vice versa. Can’t be more specific than that as i’m no mechanic but it was something that couldn’t be heard from the engine bay but from the cabin and would start/stop when the AC was switched on/off. Could be worth starting there. Obviously this isn’t s diy.

What? Misdescribing trade-ins on Dealer Auction Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

I value px’s over the phone, ask them a series of questions including things such as does it have any mechanical issues, is the clutch ok/not slipping/grinding/smelling like an industrial fire and then I offer £250 under what I would give them if they were telling the truth. If it loses me the occasional sale because they want unrealistic money for their gold plated turd then so be it. I also ask people where they are in their car buying journey, have they looked at many etc and if they need finance. I also state on my videos that the price is fixed. This may not endear me to all but it certainly sorts the wheat from the chaff and seems to prevent the basket cases some of you seem to end up with. To be fair Nick you did as much as you could. They slipped through your spastic catching net.

Different end of the market but I’m reluctant to value cars unseen as they often differ to their owners description. Punters struggle to understand that a blind estimate is not a cast-in-stone offer. Also once they’re here if there keen they can usually be kicked over their p/x.

Best to give it a few days, otherwise you will just pull the paint out of the scratch when you polish.

Ive just had one back in for a viewing with their mechanic, he told them they would get one for less privately. I agreed. He'll regret saying that when they have him looking at 10 cars next week. Never get my head round why the mechanic says that, he's there to say if its OK or not.

Similar here, oh we have 5 more to go and view but whats your best price..... well if I do you a good deal now you wont need to go and look and the others surely.... no we still will, ok no problem don't try a rob a bank with a banana then my friend come back when you some intent of following through.