Mental Ebayers

[BHM 994]

Another nutter courtesy of eBay at the weekend. Came 3 hours on the train, his first question when I meet him is about the clutch. His second question as he gets into the car is about the clutch. As he sets off he says “the clutch is funny” to which I respond “the clutch is perfect”. 

On the drive to my gaff I ask him why he’s buying, he says his 190K 18year old Bora is a little tired (ALARM BELLS: VW man). He crawls back at 35-40mph. At my place when my back is turned he removes the expansion tank cap & is obviously rewarded with coolant flying all over. He asks “why does the water feel slimy?”  I swill off the engine bay with a bucket of water.

Now at this point I should say he claims to be a full time bus fitter/mechanic so would, I assume, have substantially more knowledge than me.

He then proceeds to alternately look at the (perfect) exhaust tip and at the gearbox casing. I can see he’s looking worried. He starts mumbling about the clutch yet again and then (like most of these spineless cretins do) mentions “the wife might struggle”. He then says his speed was limited driving here due to the worn clutch!!!!!! 

I slam the bonnet, tell him to get in because you’re going back to the train station. He looked surprised & started stuttering “Are you sure? Are you sure?” 

My answer “Yes I am, you started whinging about the clutch before you even got into the car, you’ve convinced yourself the clutch is knackered & now you’re concerned about your wife’s driving skills in THIS car so the deal is finished. Get in the car if you want a lift”.

I then drive the car to the train station. He mentions the bloody clutch again! “Does it not feel funny to you?” I accelerate out of a roundabout at full pelt, I get the car up to 95mph before the next roundabout, I look at him sat there in silence & simply say “No”.

[It's me 609]

3 hours ago, BHM said:

I slam the bonnet, tell him to get in because you’re going back to the train station.

why?

i leave them where they are standing

i once kicked a punter out of the car on a test drive because his driving was so bad

[BHM 994]

1 hour ago, s and b said:

why?

Don’t worry, arseholes are given short shrift but he was a nice enough person, just unfortunately also one who’d frightened himself about clutches. Also, I’d had a call on the way to collect him about the same car & they were on their way so I was keen to bin him off.

Tbh I’m a fair man so if someone has made the effort to travel a few hours on the train then the least I can do is return him to the station if they’ve got cold feet. It’s only happened a few times & it keeps my conscience clear. 

[Arfur Dealy 823]

24 minutes ago, BHM said:

Don’t worry, arseholes are given short shrift but he was a nice enough person, just unfortunately also one who’d frightened himself about clutches. Also, I’d had a call on the way to collect him about the same car & they were on their way so I was keen to bin him off.

Tbh I’m a fair man so if someone has made the effort to travel a few hours on the train then the least I can do is return him to the station if they’ve got cold feet. It’s only happened a few times & it keeps my conscience clear. 

I’ve had exactly the same thing a few times (punter picking fault with the faults I’d picked out in the video) !! there is absolutely no way I would drop them back to the station. I just turn my back and leave them. 

[It's me 609]

what i never understand is you get someone keen on the phone( remember them? they are talking and listening devices very popular last century)

anyway they are very keen then ask if you are open next sunday

Edited March 2, 2018 by s and b
? inserted missus

[BHM 994]

Hahaha, (on any Monday or Tuesday) “I’m very interested blah blah blah” for 5 minutes. THEN “Are you open this weekend” 

Last week a Friday phone caller said he’d come on Monday. He lives about half a mile from my place!! I should’ve asked him which Monday cos he never appeared on Monday!! 

The thing is, in my many years of doing this I’m not sure I’ve ever met one of these dreamers.

I used to say to them I could get to Australia in 24 hours so why can’t they come from XXXX sooner? I can’t be arsed now & just tell them “Phone when you’re cashed up & ready to deal” and as always in this game, the wheat is separated from the chaff by the merest mention of money.